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View Full Version : How do you deal with 'one up manship'?



momckee
20-07-2015, 10:47 PM
Do you know anyone that when you tell them something you think might be interesting to them and you're pretty sure they haven't heard it before instead of them saying 'gee that's interesting' they always manage to go one better and either tack something on to what you've said or they come up with a bigger and better story almost as though they don't want you to have known something they didn't?

I always wondered when speaking with a friend, long distance, as we don't live near each other, that when I'd say maybe I had a bit of cold, for instance, she will come back with 'that's nothing I've been down with pneumonia and the doctor said it was the worst case he had ever seen'. That's just an example not a 'for real' conversation. It took me a while to figure out why I found myself getting ticked off as nothing I had experienced was anywhere near as exciting, dangerous, problematic or unknown to her as anything I had done. It was like a competition which I had wandered into.

As a result I brace myself when I know she is phoning. :D

Fiona
21-07-2015, 05:40 AM
People do it to me all the time and I am sure I've done it back at times. It's a tricky one to deal with. Do you think you're the safe person she knows who can't rain on her parade, so to speak?
I know a few people who, when you tell them something, respond in a way as if what I've just said is completely inconsequential. What they actually say is 'yeah' and move on to whatever they want to say. My family is noticing this sort of thing in regards to Dad dealing with his cancer and chemo. Some family and friends call them or ask me how it's all going, how is everyone coping etc, and instead of taking note of our responses, they go and list all of their ailments etc as if they're just doing the obligatory call or don't want to deal with anyone opening up and being vulnerable.
Oops, I've vented in response to your query Mo. Sorry.

momckee
21-07-2015, 12:48 PM
Fiona, what's happening is worthy of venting. It must be difficult for your Dad and the rest of the family. People need empathy and support when they have to deal with a serious illness. It doesn't help to hear of other people's trials.

As for my phone friend, I think it makes her feel important if she can go one better, I don't suppose it crosses her mind that she may be telling me what I have, think or do is unimportant, and I guess it is to her, I don't think there is any malicious intent. I singled her out but I have another friend who does much the same. Maybe it's easier on the phone to go into bragging mode as you don't have to see the other person's reaction. I don't have the heart to say "give it a rest will you".:)

Dan M.
21-07-2015, 04:52 PM
Sometimes people do that because they feel it will give them credibility when they say they know what you're going through. I suppose sometimes it does, but if they do it insensitively, the credibility is worthless.

4AMNTN
22-07-2015, 02:13 PM
Too true. Sorry you've had a bit of the run ins with that. We've known a few people that way. and um with that being said, ah.... ( let me share)
I actually had this happen not too long ago. I was totally thrilled to get to board the USS Intrepid in NYC & walk onto & thru an actual CONCORD! It was awesome! We were allowed pictures, etc. The bathrooms were marble, wow. Impressive. right? Then my B-I-L says, yeah? I flew to Paris & back on one ... my Dad knew the bank owner of World Bank? and he let us fly over & back for free. Well shit. I laugh now.
It's like Brian Regan's I WALKED ON THE MOON ... look the skit up on youtube, it's too funny.

momckee
22-07-2015, 04:57 PM
:D

Meg
22-07-2015, 05:35 PM
I'm sure some do it because they want to one up you. And sure there are others that are commiserating with you or as Dan said to give them credibility for understanding where you're coming from/what you're going through. And some just aren't listening...like you said, because whatever it is, isn't that important to them...those are the people who 'hear, but don't listen' and frankly I keep my conversations with them very superficial.

momckee
22-07-2015, 07:04 PM
I'm sure some do it because they want to one up you. And sure there are others that are commiserating with you or as Dan said to give them credibility for understanding where you're coming from/what you're going through. And some just aren't listening...like you said, because whatever it is, isn't that important to them...those are the people who 'hear, but don't listen' and frankly I keep my conversations with them very superficial.

Good idea Meg. How about the people who sometimes finish off your sentence because they think they know what you are going to say and completely throw you off track, that's usually more funny than annoying.

4AMNTN
22-07-2015, 08:44 PM
Finishing my sentence thinking he knows what I'm going to say ... Ugh my husband does this so much over the last several years I have developed a "stutter" almost.


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Meg
24-07-2015, 07:28 PM
Good idea Meg. How about the people who sometimes finish off your sentence because they think they know what you are going to say and completely throw you off track, that's usually more funny than annoying.

Yes that is actually usually pretty amusing!

4AMNTN
24-07-2015, 09:05 PM
And this same person did it years earlier with my story of us seeing the space shuttle take off ~~ his dad was a nuclear physicist with NASA @ Huntsville. again, well shit[emoji53]
He was actually being nice & excited about his stories too & they were better than mine [emoji4]

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